Acceptance, abundance, and other peoples’ approval.

Kindness. Always kindness.
I have made a strange discovery. I’ve noticed that whenever we have people come to stay – be it family or friends – I get huge anxieties about food. I feel like my fridge is empty (it’s not) and that I don’t feed my kids/family properly (I do). When I’m on the spot to think what to cook guests for dinner,  my mind goes completely blank and I can’t think of a single thing that I cook for us. I feel like what we eat isn’t good enough for others.

Here’s what we do eat (and what’s in my fridge at the moment):
Fruit (my go-to snack for the kids)
Vegetables
Homemade Greek yoghurt
Cheese 
Milk (soy & dairy)
Gluten free pasta
Pulses
Passata/tinned tomatoes
Freerange eggs (from our girls)
Dried fruit
Nuts
Tuna
Free range chicken / a roast
Brown rice
Bread (wholemeal / rye / sour dough)
Pantry staples (stock cubes/coconut oil/soy sauce/jam/honey/nut butter  etc)
Any slices, biscuits, cakes I bake myself and are sugar, preservative, colour & dairyfree. 
So that’s a basic rundown. Occasionally we have things like weetbix, baked beans, fruit purées or crackers.
Clearly a full, wholefood, very healthy pantry/fridge. 
We eat stirfrys, quiches, roasts, pasta, smoothies, juices, burgers, fajitas, pies, fruit, homemade baked goods, salads, stews, curries, soups…
So why, when we have company, do I feel like the cupboard is bare and that I don’t feed my kids properly?! 
Found! A feral mint patch in the gully! FREE FOOD! Woot!

Take for example today, with my mother in law visiting. Katie said she was hungry and I offered her an apple and instantly felt sting-y and lazy. Like bad parent. A pauper. For offering her fruit as a snack. (“Is that all you have?!”)
Here’s what we don’t have:
Processed cereals.
Packaged biscuits or muesli bars.
Soft drink or cordial. (Ever.)
Milo
Icecream
Sweetened flavoured yoghurt
Cage eggs (EVER.)
Processed cheeses
️Frozen pre-made meals 
Jar sauces/flavour sachets/tinned soups.
But for some reason, these are the foods I feel I should have when guests come! I feel like my kids must be undernourished & underfed because there are no pizza shapes or string cheese stick in their house! 
Blackberry-ing in the gully.

What is this anxiety & where does it come from?!?? 

Clearly I’m doing the right things (just ask your GP!)! And anyone who can’t find something to eat in my house needs some nutritional advice – not me!
But the minute I have people come to stay, I feel the irrational urge to fill my fridge with processed food, sugar, salt, & dead animals. 
Why am I such a people pleaser?! That I will actually do what I know is wrong and unhealthy, just to make people like me! To feel ‘acceptable’! Why do I need to justify the way I eat and live to anyone  anyway?!?!
I guess it’s the age-old predicament. And the instant you say “I don’t eat that” people want to tell you why you’re wrong. Why they’re right. 
“You have to eat meat! There’s no protein in vegetables! Why would you want to do something so ridiculous?!” 
(What?: Care about my food, nourish the people I love, and not wanna hurt things? Yeah – I’m one KER-AY-ZEE woman!) 
Ugh. I need a lesson in confidence, self esteem, and ‘not-givin’-a-f-ck’! 

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