Building the story

writing-cycle-edit-focus

Sometimes you have a great idea. However, you only have one element.

Maybe you just have a scene, or a character, or maybe some dialogue, an exchange.

Below is a simple back and forth from a writer friend, he had a great exchange between two characters. But, it lacked depth.

“I feel I’ve seen you before.”

Her eyes, slightly-squinted,  were serious, eyebrows furrowed as she examined me.

“Yes, there’s definitely something familiar about you.”

I looked off into the distance, uncomfortable with the intensity of her gaze.

“It’s okay to look at me,” she said, but her words were deadpan and her eyes never wavered.

I squirmed a little more before she pulled back and broke stare with a wide smile. The shift in attitude alarmed me more.

“Perhaps our souls are related,” she said, reaching out and tenderly flicking hair from my face.

“The things you find in dark places. The things you never see coming because you’re only human.”

We talked about it and I reworked his original material to help him gain more insight.

“I feel I’ve seen you before.”

At first I didn’t realise she was talking to me. The noise in the bar was at the level I liked it, enough to distract me but quiet enough to have my own thoughts.

Turning slightly I recoiled at just how close she was. Her face was mere inches from mine. Intense serious eyes seemed to burn as she examined me.

“Yes, there’s definitely something familiar about you.”

I nodded, thinking that she was drunk, high or mentally disturbed. I sipped my drink again, trying to ignore the presence beside me.

The intensity of her gaze made me nervous. My eyes darted to the side, her shape was still there. I dropped a shoulder and turned to face deeper into the bar.

“It’s okay to look at me,” she said, but her words were hollow. Still I felt compelled to turn and face her. Those eyes, her eyes, stilled burned with a fire that the rest of her face didn’t reflect. It was as if only her eyes were alive the rest just a shell. Her eyes never wavered from mine. It was almost painful to stare back into them.

I squirmed a little more before she pulled back and broke the stare with a wide smile. The smile cracked her face and at once it came alive. The laughter lines appeared and she became mostly human.

The shift in attitude alarmed me more.

“Perhaps our souls are related,” she said, reaching out and tenderly flicking hair from my face.

“The things you find in dark places. The things you never see coming because you’re only human.”

As you can see I didn’t take anything away I just added some extra elements. The flow was the most affected. The beat was extended to keep the reader engaged.

This is a simple example of how a copywriter or another pair of eyes can add to the written word.

 

Quill and Axe is happy to help edit or provide revision services.

Quill and Axe is a creative writing and copywriting services. For more information email quoting Quill and Axe.
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